Recently I had a conversation with a friend about why we can’t get mad at certain people; by certain people, I mean our friends, or even members of our family.
Upon pondering this phenomenom I concluded a few things.
We can swallow our pride for these people. Normally, when we are in a conflicting sitaution with someone we don’t know well, or rather someone we don’t mind showing who’s boss, we are very quick to try to assert our authority. It’s only natural. I can imagine that this is an evolutionary instinct; we feel the need to stand our ground for survival purposes. This is understandable, it’s a tough dog eat dog world out there and sometimes we need to put our foot down. But for those certain special people, we are willing to let it slip and quickly move on. It’s because we value that friendship, or relationship, too much.
It may be that the reason why we were mad at the person in the first place probably was not that strong of a reason. The more we ponder upon a situation, the more we realise how silly or minor it actually is.
Here’s a tip to try to rationalise whether an ‘issue’ as is actually worth the argument: either try or imagine explaining the situation to someone else. Do you sound a bit silly? Does the situation sound minor? If so then allow it. It’s obviously not worth it.
There’s something amazing about friends that’s also the reason why they are so annoying… we can’t get mad at them! This is also a true sign of friendship. So, next time you want to tell a friend off and end up not doing so, just curse them under your breath and laugh it off.. or better still they’ll end up making you smile when you try!
This is a just a random epiphany I had the other day when thinking about an embarrassing situation. I ended up trying to fathom the logic behind what makes a situation embarrassing.
I’ve concluded that it’s quite simply one thing… Other people’s judgement.
When something embarrassing occurs, our initial reaction is “what will others think?” Or “omg everyone saw that they all think I’m an idiot”. And to that I say OH WELL. We live in a harsh world where things won’t always go our way, we just have to accept these situations, deal with them and MOVE ON.
The feeling of embarrassment is a man made emotion in the sense that it’s based on how society reacts to a situation.
This is my theory of the evolutionary benefits of embarrassment:
The negative judgment of the action by the cohort of people you want to maintain face with would mean that they may be apprehensive to allow you into their social group. Evolutionarily, we need a group of people to be part of to survive in terms of working as a functional group to carry out essential survival tasks.
However this evolutionary benefit is not as relevant to social circumstances anymore.
If we stopped judging, or avoided externally showing our judgment, then embarrassing situations would be no way near as traumatising. Also, it would be handy if we just MOVED ON from the situation and avoided holding it over the person’s head. This would in turn reduce negativity in the world, I’d hope. If the embarrassing situation was quite funny, then use it for amusement but not at the person’s expense. By this I mean use it to help them laugh it off… It could even be a conversation starter with that person and could break a barrier. You could end up easing into a friendship this way. I guess I’m being a bit optimistic now and I’m getting carried away with this post, woops.
The point I’m trying to make is don’t make someone feel uncomfortable about an embarrassing situation, just move on and be nice about it. We’ve all been there!
P.S: you might think this is a load of crap, but this is me putting my thoughts in a hopefully coherent form for when I need to dish it out as advice… Safeee